


Jareth and Sarah Meet Up in a Craft Store..and End up Doing a Porno

by breejah



Series: 'Quick Fic/Photo Prompt' Labyrinth Challenges [13]
Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Crafting Herpes, Crafting Store, Crafts, Cranky Old Ladies, F/M, Humor, Implied/Referenced Sex, Owls, Pants, Porn Video, lots and lots of glitter, undies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-06-14 01:24:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15377619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breejah/pseuds/breejah
Summary: A series of 'quick fic' challenge responses to  photo prompts involving owls that escalated into this mini monster.Summary: Jareth, deciding to pursue Sarah - stumbles upon her shopping in a Craft Store and things go...badly (for him). In an effort to take revenge, he cons Sarah into agreeing to do an adult entertainment video - to his regret and possibly hers.Hilarity and injury to male pride ensues.





	1. Chapter 1

_Photo prompt for Chapter 1: Owl Undies! (Aww!)_

* * *

 

 

"Jareth, I can't talk right now, I -"

"Oh come on, precious, I'm bored. What is this place, exactly?" Jareth prattled on, having magically poofed into existence beside her on aisle nine in Michaels, making her want to scream. The sheer amount of glitter everywhere made her worry that if an employee came strolling by, they'd accuse her of raiding their glitter section and sprinkling it all over the floor.

"A crafting store, now again, I can't talk, I'm in a hurry and..."

A set of buggy wheels had her panicking, gesturing wildly for him to disappear. Instead, he shifted into an owl and settled in the front seat of her buggy. She gawked, horrified, but ran out of time to toss her jacket over him when an old woman turned the corner, driving the buggy she had heard with the squeaky wheels. She blinked at the state of the isle, and Sarah simply offered a weak shrug. "Kids these days..."

"Little heathens," she huffed. "Glad I didn't have any. Pure satan spawn, I tell you." She eyeballed Sarah critically and then spotted the owl. Sarah was halfway through her internal monologue routine of 'cranky old bitch' in her head when she realized Jareth had been made.

"That an owl in your cart, young woman?" The old lady looked at a loss for words.

"Yep," she replied, just rolling with it. "I took him in from the bird rescue down the street. Bum wing." She felt Jareth's head tilt towards her, those predatory eyes staring, and she simply shrugged a shoulder.  _What? I'm doing my best here, jerk._

The old woman and her cart moved closer. She grinned faintly and held up a pair of doll clothes - a set of strawberry printed underwear. "Wouldn't he just look so cute in these..."

Sarah blinked, half choking on a laugh, when Jareth poofed back into existence and snatched the doll pants out of the old woman's hands. "How dare you! I have better taste than this!"

The old woman took one look at Jareth and started to scream, running down the aisle and calling for a manager.

Sarah groaned, giving up on shopping for the day. Jareth just simply looked offended.


	2. Chapter 2

_Photo prompt for Chapter 2: Skater Owl (LOL)_

* * *

 

 

A pair of marching feet were coming around the corner and Sarah was in a full panic.  _Fucking Jareth and his bullshit! I am going to murder him once we get out of here. Speaking of - shit!_ Her rampant angry thoughts trailed off as she spotted the official looking vest of a store manager coming closer with that crotchety old lady from before out of the corner of her eye.

She decided to take the most logical action and snatched Jareth's hand in hers and took off running. He dumped the offending 'doll pants' in the woman's cart as they darted by.

"Not one word!" She hissed in warning as they took off down another aisle, listening to the woman prattle on about 'this crazy young woman and her demon spawn boyfriend.' Jareth grinned at her, his eyebrows waggling, as they darted away quietly down another aisle, annoyed she had to abandon her shopping cart. She actually snorted at that, making Jareth scowl.

"What's wrong,  _sugar muffin_?" Jareth drawled softly, giving her a suggestive once over. "Don't like being reduced to my  _girlfriend_?"

In that moment, Sarah understood what drove some people to commit murder.

"When we're out of here, I'm cutting your balls off, you pompous motherfuc..." She hissed, turning around and shoving a finger in his face, when she heard the old lady's shrill voice a few aisles down.

"There they are! Get them! Stealing, devil worshippers!"

They both whipped their heads around and saw the woman staring them down, a mixture of horror and disgust on her face. She looked ready to pop, her face was so red. Sarah turned to look to Jareth for help, but he was gone, a shower of glitter in his place.

" _You son of a bitch!_ " She yelled, then took off running for the door. As she sprinted, she saw him coast by, in owl form no less, on a doll skateboard. He had the audacity to open his wings wide and hoot at her as he sailed by, as if to say,  _'Come catch me, girl.'_

That actually had her picking out the weapon she'd use to commit said murder in her head.

She was in her car, cranking the ignition, and peeling out of the parking lot of a store she would most likely never be allowed in again, when he poofed back into existence in the passenger seat.

He stared at her, a taunting grin on her face, while she stared ahead and casually pulled the car over about ten minutes later. She kept staring ahead, the rage inside her boiling over, her hands clenched on the steering wheel.

"So - " he had started to say, but she didn't wait for him to finish, turning and slapping him across the face. He stared, eyes wide, shock on his face, so she did it again.

Around the tenth time, he finally caught her wrists. "Ow! That hurt!"

"Do NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT HURTING, JARETH! Get the FUCK out of my car. NOW."

He blinked, looking almost hurt, then angry. She glowered at him and he poofed out of existence again.

* * *

 

Later that evening, she was pouring herself probably her fifth glass of wine when the mirror in her living room rippled. She tensed, ready to go to war, when she saw Hoggle's laughing face. She blinked, raising a hand in confusion, but he was laughing too hard to form words.

Finally, she realized what he must have gotten wind of. "So, you heard."

"Heard? Are you kidding? Sarah, you gave him a black eye!" Hoggle went into apoplexy after that, rolling on the ground outside his small hut near the Labyrinth entrance, his voice choking under a litany of loud guffaws.

She smirked, then began to laugh with him.  _Serves you right, you bastard,_  she thought cheekily.


	3. Chapter 3

_Photo/Gif Prompt for Chapter 3: Sneaky Owl!_

* * *

 

 

Jareth sighed - this was  _so_  beneath him. But here he was, skulking around Sarah's apartment, like some damned thief in the night - a  _feathered_ thief, but a thief all the same. He didn't dare risk a brave entry like before, still bearing some of the marks of  _that_  adventure gone awry from a few weeks ago.

His beak snapped angrily - he was still mad as hell about the nerve of her to do that to him. The goblins, and Hoggle especially, had given him so much grief, he almost considered casting the entirety of his Kingdom into the bog. He was a  _King!_

 _Yeah, well, Kings don't ghost into people's houses, tip-toeing about their closet in owl form, either_ \- that annoying, nagging conscience clapped back at him. He ruffled his feathers, predatory eyes narrowing, as he let out a pitiful soft huff that sounded dangerously  _cute_  before he spotted her.

There she was, staring at her computer, frowning and tipping her head to the side. What  _was_  she watching that had her so enraptured? Unable to resist, he crept closer, keeping his steps light, quick, and rather... _bouncy._

Craning his head up - one of the few perks of remaining in aviary form - he stared at the computer screen and almost lost hold of his form, doing his best to not let loose a trill of amusement at what he saw.

On Sarah's screen, in bright vivid colors, was  _pornography!_  His poor, precious thing looked so confused,  _so slightly horrified_ , that he just had to watch her shift awkwardly in her chair for a few minutes. Oh, this was  _rich._

"Wait, how's that even  _possible?_ " She muttered, squinting, her nose wrinkling as she leaned forward, staring at the screen. He did note her heavy breathing, though.

_My, my. We have some wild tastes, don't we?_

He couldn't help but ruffle his feathers quietly at that. This was the best thing he'd discovered yet about her. As he watched her watch the screen, he was even more determined she was it - his Queen. If only he could convince her  _without_  her once more attempting to break half his face in the process.

Decisions, decisions...

Still, this gave him  _ideas._ Ideas that, if she knew, would have her making a completely different kind of face. He ruffled his feathers again just thinking about it. Snapping his beak quietly, he turned and dashed across the bedroom floor, escaping just the way he came. It was hard,  _so hard_  (metaphorically speaking, of course!) to resist breaking up her little research session but he knew just what to do the next time he faced off with the little tart.

_The things I have planned for you, precious thing. Just you wait…._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This fic turned into an odd one, didn't it? Haha. So, not as funny of an entry, but imaging Jareth and Sarah starring in a porno sounds hilarious and I've sort of committed myself to this now and...here we go. Not quite as funny of an entry, but the next one should be chocked full of awkward sexy times so...there's that. We'll see what I come up with, just letting my muse continue down this path for now.
> 
> Again, I know the plot of this one is odd but considering it's just a bunch of strung together one-shots, hopefully you'll forgive the awkward pacing. I'll do the follow up sometime soon.

_Photo Prompt Art for Chapter 4 by Gagambo._

* * *

 

 

Today should have been a good day but by mid-morning, she could tell it was shaping up to be a doozy. She'd been waiting for a while to get a call back from a few notable accounting firms and when she'd received a call promptly at eight that morning and hurriedly agreed to an interview in three hours, she hadn't thought through the oddity of that sudden response to her resume.

Tapping the heel of her shoe nervously against the floor, she looked up and rose, heading into the room the receptionist led her into. She saw two professionals staring at her from across a conference table, one female and one male, appearing in their mid-thirties, by all appearances looking pleased to see her. She smiled back and smoothed her hands over her pencil skirt, settling her briefcase against the empty chair she sat in, before waiting to see what questions they had.

"Interesting attire for one in your line of work," the man commented, making Sarah peer down curiously at herself. She raised one eyebrow in question, confused at his statement.  _I'm a business analyst, what else should I be wearing?_

"I'm afraid I don't understand?" She asked timidly, perplexion skating across her face. The man simply grinned as he looked over at the woman, who was inspecting Sarah's chest a little too much to be considered appropriate. That alone made her stiffen, realizing something was  _horribly_  wrong.

"That's good, that's good. We like that in our girls," she replied, nodding and jotting something down on her paper. Without looking up, she uttered the next statement so blandly, Sarah was almost certain she misheard. "Now, take off your clothes please. We need to see what you have to offer before we extend the job."

If it was physically possible, Sarah's jaw would have hit the floor. " _Excuse me?_ "

Her eyes suddenly zero'd in on the woman's business card. Elvira Johnson, Hiring Recruitment for Erotica Entertainment, LLC. She struggled to contain her shock and panic but some of it must have translated on her face from the frown the two professionals exchanged. "Is there a problem?"

 _Yes, there's been a fucking mistake! I am not an escort or porn star!_ Her mind shrieked as her mouth chose to suddenly not work, a small noise squeaking past her lips. Suddenly, rage settled over her.

_Jareth…_

It was the only thing that made sense. This must have been his revenge for slapping him the last time they'd seen each other, something Hoggle said they'd teased him about for weeks. She wasn't sure whether to be furious or slightly wary of whatever else he had planned.

"There's...been a mistake. I…" She scrambled to find something to say, grabbing her briefcase and shooting out of her seat. Dimly, she heard the door behind her open and close, but she was too focused on keeping her own face schooled, she didn't pay it much notice.

Suddenly, something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. It was lightning fast, almost too quick for her to see, but it was enough. She reached down, scooping the creature up from the floor by its feet, only to stare into the narrowed eyes of an owl that hung from her grip.

" _You_ …" She hissed, not even focused on the two sitting across from her. The owl flapped its wings roughly, making her shriek, and she instantly released her hold. Almost immediately, Jareth stood next to her, glaring at her, and glitter was  _everywhere_. She briefly looked over, wondering how her interviewers were taking this in stride, only to realize they appeared frozen. He must have stopped time itself. She blinked, narrowing her eyes at him, and opened her mouth to say some sharp retort, when the room seemed to return to normal, the two interviewers returning to life and smiling at the two of them.

"I see you've met your co-star," the woman said, casting Jareth a flushed cursory glance. Sarah blinked, her eyebrows raising, realizing Jareth must have started time up once more. She could sense his internal laughter by the grin that spread across his features. "So, clothes, Ms. Williams?"

She looked back at him, radiating fury, but he simply smiled on. " _Clothes,_  Ms. Williams?" He taunted, repeating the woman. She struggled with what to say, clenching her hands into fists at her sides, trembling with the urge to resort to violence again. He seemed to expect that from her and flashed her a set of teeth, daring her to try.

She knew he fully expected her to barrel past him in humiliation. Something in the challenge in his face had her seeing red and suddenly reaching up, unbuttoning her jacket and ripping it off, if just to wipe that smirk off his face. His grin slackened as his eyes widened, lowering down to look at her as she stripped.

Dimly, she heard the man's murmur of approval, as Jareth looked on, too stunned to properly say something.  _Good,_ she thought smugly. She notched her chin up, turning back to the two, dressed in just her lacy undergarments, knowing full well they most likely got an eyeful, given the sheerness of her bra. Right at that moment, she didn't give a damn, just concerned with wiping that look off the pompous fae's face standing next to her. Casting him one last steel-eyed glance, she ran a hand over her curves and smiled. They stared openly, the woman looking over her with a clinical inspection that briefly had her confidence wavering and the man simply smiling on, and she returned his smile icily at them both.

"When do we start?"

She felt Jareth stiffen beside her, but the two prattled on, seemingly pleased at the turn of events. "This afternoon. Here's half your pay and the location. The other will be provided when you complete the job."

"Thanks," she replied in a stiff chipper tone, pocketing the papers into her briefcase and draping her clothes across her arm. Giving Jareth a proper glower, she turned and left the stunned Goblin King, heading straight for the bathroom, ignoring a few amused stares directed her way once she was out in the hallway.

As she sat in the bathroom, pulling her clothes back on, she suddenly trembled, her eyes going wide.  _Wait - Did I seriously just agree to do a porno with the damned Goblin King?_

* * *

Meanwhile, back in the 'Erotica Entertainment' hiring lounge, the two professionals suddenly blinked, looking around, confused why they were in the hiring lounge on a Thursday. Glancing over at one another, seeing nothing in front of them, they simply shrugged and left the room.

In the corner, amongst the shadows, sat an owl, its eyes flashing brightly. It had taken some considerable time manipulation and acting on his part, but he finally had her right where he wanted her.

_Checkmate, precious. I'll see you this afternoon._

It flew out the opened window, reaching for the stars.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little cheesy, a little funny, a little serious - but I am finally ending this. Sorry for the delay! Thanks for waiting so patiently for this update!
> 
> Special shout out to KBates and Bowies-Thighs on tumblr for some of the funnier inspirations in this last chapter.

_Am I seriously doing this?_ She asked herself at least the twentieth time since stepping onto the film set in nothing but a bra and thong. Swallowing down her nerves, she stepped forward, surprised to see no one about.

 _Maybe he chickened out,_ she reasoned, turning to leave. _At least I won’t have to listen to him tease me about this, given that I showed up, only because I was paid_ \- her inner mind scoffed at that, knowing _full_ _well_ that wasn’t the only reason she was here, but she blipped over that little tidbit, continuing on with her thoughts - _and I already cashed the check, so…_

“Going somewhere?” A cool voice purred in her left ear, making her jolt in surprise. Glaring over at Jareth, she slowly blinked as her eyes lowered, realizing he was shirtless and wearing those typical form-fitting pants -- with no underwear on. Licking her suddenly dry lips, struggling for what to say, given how much she could see of him outlined through them, she heard his chuckle and drew up sharply.

“Nope, not on your life. Where is everyone?” She barked back, putting her hands on her hips, pleased when his eyes drifted and he seemingly lost what he was about to say as well as he noticed her undergarments. Enjoying that small window of control, she strolled past him, to the makeshift set, rolling her eyes at the sight of her bedroom from when she was in High School. “My kid bedroom? Little creepy, don’t you think?”

“No one else is coming, precious, but…” Jareth flicked a wrist, and Sarah watched as a small red light on the camera pointing their direction blinked on. She stiffened, glaring daggers in his direction, opening her mouth to demand to know who would see this, when he grinned and answered her question for her. “...I’ll do the honors. Now, _relax,_ as this is for my eyes only, and let’s begin.”

 _This was such a bad idea,_ she began thinking, taking a step back as he stepped forward, his eyes sweeping over her form, glowing faintly in heated interest. She swallowed, refusing to let her eyes roam past his waist, sensing what she knew she’d see. “You know, maybe we should…”

“Oh, _I don’t think so_ , precious,” Jareth immediately interrupted, grinning ferally as he pulled out a copy of the contract she had pocketed along with the money the other day. Stilling, her eyes going wide, he smirked and tapped an area of the page she hadn’t seen before, seeing red at the comment that said: _Failure to follow through with the bargain, the human woman known as Sarah Ann Williams will forfeit herself to the Goblin King and return with him to his realm._

“You _son of a bitch!_ ” She hissed, reaching out to snatch the paperwork, but with a flick of his wrist, it was gone. He laughed huskily, prowling forward, but she slapped his hand away when he reached for her. Scowling, he stared at her with annoyance, but didn’t move forward.

“I’ll do it,” she finally sighed, glaring over at him, “...with a few conditions.”

Jareth bristled, but nodded, and she desperately tried to think of the most ridiculous stipulations to add to the contract to save some kind of face, ignoring the fact that the thought of fucking the Goblin King on camera was kind of hot and she was totally _not_ aroused, _thank you very much._

“I...uh...get to set the mood, scene, yadda yadda. And you _have_ to do it. And….I’ll...do you.” She rambled, wincing at how lame that sounded, but didn’t see how else to get around the sudden awkwardness she felt. _How the hell did I get here? This is insane. Goddamned Jareth and that goddamned craft store!_

Jareth seemed to ponder this, his eyes lowering over her form, and then nodded. She nearly swallowed her tongue when her eyes briefly dropped, realizing he was _very excited_ at the prospect, so much so he was willing to overlook her ridiculous requests. _I am totally not getting hot realizing this guy is willing to do just about anything to fuck me, no Sir, not me, noooooooope..._

Suddenly, an image came to mind in her head, making her chuckle, and he balked. “Absolutely _not,”_ he hissed, making her laugh again as she watched his face, suddenly realizing that - according to whatever mysterious fae magic was at work here - if she thought of crazy things in relation to the supposed porno they were just about to make, he could sense in her thoughts and replay it in his own mind.

“Oh _yes,_ Jareth…” She purred, gesturing for him to make her wish so. “Why? Can’t handle such a _little slice?_ And here I thought you were the all-powerful Goblin King...are the rumors wrong, then?”

Narrowing his eyes, he stepped forward, gritting his teeth as he waved a hand in her face, starting the scene. By the visible anger in his face, she nearly laughed once more, watching as he summoned the object she’d conjured in her mind’s eye instead of a crystal -- a fidget spinner.

She gasped, going full Hollywood actress. _“What is it?”_

“It’s just a fidget spinner, but if you turn it this way, it will show you your dreams…” He grit out, his lips wavering, and it was then she realized he was trying his hardest not to laugh as well. She made a grand show of looking at the crystal-turned-spinner, then dubiously looking him over, before she burst out laughing, telling him he could drop the silly act.

Frowning, he flung the object across the room, the offending item disappearing before it hit the wall. To her dismay, he smirked, then began to chuckle -- sending an image into her head. Her eyes widened as her head snapped up. _Wait, what? I can see in his head, too? I don’t --what?_ Blinking as something suddenly entered her mind’s eye, she laughed, then straightened, gesturing for him to bring it on.

He stepped forward, narrowing his eyes as he circled her, then she struggled to stop from giggling as his ominous words followed after the most horribly cheesy music began on cue in the background. “So, Sarah...you wish for your freedom back, hm? Well, you know what you have to do…”

For added measure, he waggled his eyebrows, stepping forward, and she burst into laughter just as he reached for her, his arms circling around her hips and drawing her close. He rolled his eyes as soon as she began to laugh, weakly trying to apologize as the music continued on in the background. “Jesus Christ, is that _Barry White?_ ”

She realized it was when that typical crooning sound of _'Cant get enough of your love, baby..'_ drifted past, making her struggle so hard not to laugh yet again. Of _all_ the music he could have picked, this was the worst.

“I’ll have you know, he’s what your kind call a mood setter,” Jareth muttered in her hair, making her snort and finally lose control, beginning to laugh all over again as she tried to picture herself having sex with Jareth with _that_ music playing. She couldn’t, and by his audible grunt of annoyance, he knew it - which of course, only made her laugh harder.

Suddenly, she felt bad for him, knowing how hard he was trying. “Okay, seriously, turn off the camera. Can we talk?”

Jareth stiffened, about to open his mouth, no doubt to demand she hold up her end of the bargain, when she clamped a hand over his lips and chuckled, giving him a glare. “I’m _serious._ I’m sorry I slapped you, called you a dick, and propelled us into... _this._ ” She gestured with her free hand, looking around before glancing back his way. “And I don’t want our heart-to-heart recorded for a goblin to stumble across. I swear, I’ll hold up to my end of the deal.”

Jareth blinked, raising a hand, and she watched the small red light turn off. Scowling, she eyed him, sending him a subtle _'Nice try, but I don't think so buddy'_ and he rolled his eyes, removing the camera entirely from the room. She smiled then, lowering her hand from his mouth, but didn’t move away, allowing him once more to drape his hands across her waist. “Now, give it to me for real - why all this?”

“I saw you the other night, in your bedroom. You were watching porn. I thought...” his cheeks briefly turned red, but he boldly met her stare, smirking, “...that you might like to make some of your own. So I arranged this little item.”

She felt mortification creep up her face, swallowing faintly, her answer squeaking out. “You were spying on me...watching porn.” He nodded, and she winced as she continued, “and despite me finding most of it totally weird, you - _ah_ \- knew I liked it on some level.”

Again, he nodded, and she wanted to do a multitude of things all in that moment - slap him, die of embarrassment, shout about the importance of privacy - but in the end, she decided to throw caution to the wind, stepping forward and boldly kissing him.

He groaned, and she swallowed down the sudden spike of arousal that hit her. _Damn, he’s a good kisser,_ she idly thought, but when his hands wandered, fingers plucking at parts of her body that both mortified and aroused her, she quickly amended that last thought. _Scratch that, good kisser, good finger fucker, good -- oh god…_

When he did _that,_ she moaned. He grinned against her mouth, nudging his hips towards hers, and she felt him - _all_ aroused parts of him and damn if she wasn’t impressed. She struggled to contain a grin, but he noticed it as he continued to fondle her. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“You wear those pants for a reason,” she laughed, knowing he would find it amusing. He chuckled, confirming that, and nudged her again, making her laugh suddenly die in her throat as she moaned again. He growled, bringing his mouth down, towards her breasts.

“I do,” he admitted, “...but I think you’ll like me without them more.”

“Only one way to find out,” she teased, laughing as he tugged her towards the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is a fade-to-black ending. It didn't seem right to add explicit sex in a cheesy, fun moment.


End file.
